I Want to See Aerosmith in Concert!

The last time the rock band Aerosmith toured (Cocked, Locked and Ready to Rock Tour, 2010), bookies could have made their careers on people wagering whether the tour would make it to the finish line. Plagued by public pre-concert sparring between lead guitarrist Joe Perry and vocal frontman Steven Tyler, concerts garnered the type of press no aging rockers really want. During one show, Tyler accidentally whacked Perry in the head with his microphone pole. Perry retaliated in a later show by bumping into Tyler forcefully enough to boot him off the stage. Although both incidents resulted in injuries, the band gamely finished all shows.

Is this how the band dubbed The Greatest Rock Band of all Time is going to go out? As the latest baby-boomer act to fall off a stage after Jimmy Buffet? Oh, I hope not! These boys have already earned their survivor stripes, being one of the only bands to overcome life in a drug haze long enough to enjoy a comeback career as successful as their first. The reasons they should try another tour are many, but the one that concerns me most is, selfishly, the fact I have never seen them live.

I do not understand what has happened to me in recent years. Music has always been my joy and refuge, with the songs on the radio defining every era and memory of my life. But I was a gentle soul child of the 70's, waxing mellow to my beloved Donovan, America, early Eagles, Firefall, Dan Fogelberg, and any other acousitc guitar-strumming, stringy-haired dude sitting on a stool. In the late 70's and early 80's I got really wild and became a fan of Earth, Wind & Fire, but I digress.

My taste in music drove my younger sister crazy. The incessant grind of guitars blasting from her room (a mere 15 feet down the hall from my own peaceful retreat) literally blistered the paint off her door frame. Alice Cooper, Aerosmith, AC/DC, Bad Company, Nazareth. KISS , for God's sake! It all sounded alike to me. Where were the harmonies? The dynamics? The nuance? We drove each other nuts, and our music paralleled our relationship. We were the original Twisted Sisters.

So what has happened to me later in life? I've heard hormone conspiracy theories cover many topics, but have not yet heard of fluctuating estrogen's responsibility for the late-blooming rocker syndrome. And yet I seem to have it! (both the fluctuating estrogen and the syndrome) I can't even pinpoint the actual moment this phenomenon occured. It might have been when I was trying to introduce some music from my own era to my kids. Not that Queen's music was exactly role-modelesque but hey, I was battling "My Milkshake Brings all the Boys to the Yard."

My kids loved Queen. And, strangely, I found I did too. And then I found I really loved Boston. And Alice Cooper (for all his theatrics, he puts some really underrated musical effort into his work!). And AC/DC wasn't really all that bad. And Aerosmith. Oh, my gosh...is there any song in rock history that has a more electifying beginning than Sweet Emotion? Are there many songs funnier than My Big Ten Inch Record? Any with more controlled fury than Janie's Got a Gun? The scales have fallen from my eyes.

Aerosmith is called The Greatest Rock Band of all Time basically because they have sold more albums than any other band. Of the 150,000,000 sold, over 66,000,000 were sold in the United States alone. From Boston, the band originally formed in the early 1970's (after considering the name Spike Jones). They were relatively successful right away, but were plagued by the celebrity excesses of the day. When the drug abuse got so bad it cast a shadow over the band's future, their manager stepped up and cut them a deal. He promised if they would get and stay clean, he would make them the most successful rock band ever.

It took almost 4 years of rehab at various intervals, but band members held up their end of the bargain. In one of the most impressive comeback stories in rock history, the clean and sober Aerosmith has cranked out hit after hit ever since. In 2001 they were inducted to the Rock and Roll Hall of fame--the only inductee ever to have an active song on the charts at the time (Jaded). They played half-time at the Super Bowl that same year, and have enjoyed 41 years of successfully rocking the genre.

I'm going to have to vote for Rag Doll. I mean, this song has it all. Everything a pure, rotten rock n' roll tune should have and more. It starts with that driving beat (the one your mama warned you about). The vocals...wow! You don't hear a chromatic scale worked into a rock verse that often. The lyrics are just as they should be...just off-color enough to offend parents of the 70's (parents today would not bat an eye). Then you have the instrumentation...those dissonant brass chords blasting against the chorus melody. And how does it end? With Steven Tyler doing SCAT. What rock song fades with scat? This song is in a league of its own.

And what I wouldn't give to hear that performed live on stage. Now, I realize it would probably be so loud I would not even recognize it, but details. All I know is that I have wasted some time not seeing some of the acts I have come to love. I'll never see Queen now. I'll never see Boston. Oh, I might see watered down versions, but not the real deal. I missed it--snooze you lose. I hope when Steven Tyler gets done prancing around on American Idol, he and the boys will consider going on the road one last time. For an old lady with a bucket list.